This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
