I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
