so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
