I bet he comes in French.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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