we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
