First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
