Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
