I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Randomize
