You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
