Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
