Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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