What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
