the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
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The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
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You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize