So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
