Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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