After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
