I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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