who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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