Betty ford says i'm here all night
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
