Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
