I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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