i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
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