so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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