you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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