Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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