It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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