I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
