It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
