I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
