I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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