you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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