I hope mine doesn't look like that
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
