Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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