Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
