Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
