Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
