he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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