There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
