he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
