Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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