just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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