yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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