His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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