You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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