I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
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He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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