Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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