So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
