He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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