dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
