my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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