just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
There r osticjed everywhere
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
