apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She needs sedatives and a leash
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
