I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
