Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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