I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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