Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
