When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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