Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
