why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
