I think I am morally bankrupt
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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