we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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