I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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