and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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