i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
